Lady Falsies cramping my latin soul

by anonymous

I attend a Latin dance class on Monday evenings and if I close my eyes and move my hips just so, I can pretend I am in Argentina, or Spain. Initially I went on the urging of a friend who has since dropped out but I keep going every Monday night without fail. Sometimes if I can, I even try to fit in a Saturday class too. You could say I am hooked; or at least my Latin soul is.

There is a core group that has been coming week in week out since January when the class started but occasionally we get a drop in or two. This week Lady Falsies came back for the second time. After the first visit from this Arabian Princess Airhead I hoped we’d seen the last of her, but there she was, all decked up to the nines with her false eyelashes, collagen pout and pretty white top with fussy bow that needed to be fiddled with at all times. Back she came for another week of watching herself “dance” between her frequent trips to the water fountain or bathroom to mop her pretty brow with a q-tip or fix her thick luscious locks. I have no problem with people giving something a go. Honestly I had my left and right feet all switcheroo when I started the class but this character had wondered off a Disney Princess set and right into a serious dance class and looked as spaced out as an airhead addicted to hairspray. While we leant left with arms outstretched she flailed right with bandy arms waving about like a lost octopus. She turned to the right, took three wiggly steps, bumped into me and then proceeded to do her own dance for the next ten minutes while we tried to ignore the perfumed and bedazzled lycra clad vision hopping between us all. Watching the instructor in the mirror was obviously too distracting since watching herself was lots better. And, of course, she needed to check that her eye lashes didn’t fall off .

Why she came I have no idea; a session at home in front of a full length mirror would surely have sufficed. But I supposed she had dressed up and done her hair so….

It was a case of laugh or leave.